One of the questions that new host families most often ask us is about privacy. ‘I’d love to host an au pair but I’m afraid I won’t have any privacy with my children and husband. How can I manage this?
It’s a legitimate question, and what better way than to get some sound advice from an experienced host mum! This week Aurore G, our super mum who has been hosting an au pair for 4 years in Savoie, explains how she has preserved her little bubble!
Tip 1: Save some ‘family’ time
Can you imagine taking your au pair everywhere, all the time, with you like any other member of the family? Very well, it’s an excellent way for her to discover the culture of her host country. But you realise that it’s sometimes difficult to take on this role and you need a break.
Don’t forget that your au pair may have travelled a long way to discover France/Europe, and that she is also a ‘young person’. She will therefore be delighted to share time with other young people her own age or to go away for the weekend with friends from her French course.
Don’t hesitate to give her the contact details of associations or other au pairs (with their agreement) or to suggest places to visit. She’ll be delighted that you’re concerned about her well-being. You can then take advantage of her absences to organise a family activity.
It will make for a very happy reunion!
Tip 2: Establish rules
👉 Rules for living with your au pair
You share the bathroom but you enter while the au pair is in the shower. You go to turn on the washing machine, but it’s already running on the au pair’s clothes. Your husband comes out of the bedroom in his pants and finds himself face to face with the embarrassed au pair!So many situations you want to avoid? One solution is to set up rules: laundry days, bathroom times, ‘proper dress’ for moving around in the ‘common areas’, etc. These are all good living practices that you can describe and that will become a natural part of your daily routine. They will also reassure the au pair, who will no doubt have the same fears as you!
Tip 3: Stay natural
During the au pair’s stay, you will be confronted with many situations, some more delicate than others, some more difficult than others, both for you and for the au pair.
Do you enjoy lounging on the sofa, jogging, watching an American series? Are you in the habit of putting the previous evening’s mischief away the next day? Is your youngest having a fit because he doesn’t want to do his homework and you’re raising your voice?
Don’t put pressure on yourself by wanting everything to be perfect, as if you were entertaining mother-in-law or the Queen of England. Act naturally.
It will be hard at first, and you may be afraid of being judged. But don’t forget that the au pair was ‘in the family’ before coming to live with you. She already knows that family life is made up of ups and downs. It will be all the easier for her to integrate and forget her ‘foreign’ status if she sees you behaving as naturally with her as with the rest of the family.
It’s a virtuous circle.
