Whether or not you’re used to traveling at a distance from your family and loved ones, the feeling of missing your loved ones and beyond, your home country will inevitably be felt at some point during your stay as an Au Pair. Julie, a former French au pair in the USA, gives you some advice.
1. First of all, before you leave, be aware that there will be difficult moments and don't be overconfident.
Even if you’re used to traveling, an Au Pair stay isn’t about going on vacation, it’s about settling in and living with a new family that you’ve chosen, but which isn’t your own family, and with whom you’ll need to learn how to bond.
2. A necessary adaptation period.
Give yourself and your host family time to get to know each other. You won’t necessarily feel at ease after 2 days (the opposite would even be surprising) or even 2 weeks, and it’s very likely that certain things, habits… will surprise and even shock you throughout the year. And don’t forget that your host family will probably feel the same way about you.
3. Learn to live with your host family's habits.
And it’s up to her to learn to live with yours too! As with your friends and family, everyone has their own little habits, which can sometimes seem strange or difficult to live with on a daily basis. We’re talking here about sharing a daily routine for months on end, not just spending a few vacation days together. You may find certain things irritating at times: for example, you may be very strict about timetables or tidying up, whereas your host family may be a bit “messy” and often late. When you live together as an au pair, it’s not a question of changing one party or the other, but rather of learning to deal with each other’s faults and qualities, and to adapt.
In fact, you’ll never find a host family that matches 100% your expectations and what you’re experiencing at home – and that’s not the point. So you’ll have to accept their way of life, and they’ll have to accept yours, if this year is to go as smoothly as possible. That said, don’t hesitate to express your surprise at certain things. The most important thing is to feel at ease communicating with them, and vice versa.
4. Set goals.
Why did you decide to become an Au Pair? There can be many reasons: to discover a new culture, a new country, to learn a new language, to take courses, to become more experienced with children… To achieve this goal, you simply need to spend a few months with your host family. And know that you’ll be very proud of yourself for having succeeded in meeting your objectives at the end of your experience.
5. Write a diary.
To help you put all your emotions down on paper and put them into perspective. This may sound like a “teenager’s trick”, but in reality, taking time out just for yourself during this period of great change in your life can be very beneficial for you. Try to set aside some time just for writing, whether it’s 10 minutes a day, 1 hour a week…
6. Talk to your family and friends about your home country when you need to.
It’s all very simple, but if you miss them, maybe take the time to call them, write to them, talk to them more often or for longer. Talking to them will make you realize that they haven’t forgotten you either, and are thinking of you, just as you are thinking of them.
7. Talk to other Au Pairs or ex-Au Pairs about your experience and feelings.
You’ll find that these feelings are classic and shared by almost all Au Pairs. Don’t forget that you’re sharing the same experience, the same doubts, the same questions, probably the same sadness and difficult moments, at the same time or at different times for that matter. No one is in a better position to help you through this process than other Au Pairs or former Au Pairs. As for me, fortunately I was able to talk to other Au Pairs around me about it, and together we talked about our doubts.
