You’ve recruited an au pair to work for you. You are delighted with this new experience for you and your family.
You want them to help you with everyday tasks and logistics with the children. But things aren’t going quite as you’d imagined.
How can you create a bond with him/her so that he/she is a support and a helper and not just another child?
Learn to delegate
Delegating is a skill that takes time to master. It’s not something that comes naturally, I’ve learnt it gradually and it helps me in my personal life to be a better mum, a better wife, to balance my personal and professional life. Delegating has also helped me professionally and made me a better manager.
Here are a few tips on how to delegate more effectively:
Ask for help
Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. It’s not just acceptable, it’s a sign of strength!
Even if you’re the only person looking after your children, don’t hesitate to ask someone else for help. Your au pair can take them out for an afternoon so that you can spend time with friends or even take a nap yourself! Other family members may have free time that they’re willing to give up to help you so that you can get out from time to time without having to worry about what the children are doing in your absence.
Be ready to trust
You may be someone who doesn’t trust the people around you. And that’s okay, because it’s not easy to let go and delegate work to others. But if you don’t want to spend your life doing everything yourself, it’s time to develop that trust. You need to give people close to you and your teams a chance and listen to them when they tell you how they can help you with your projects – or better still, ask them how they would like their work to be structured so that everyone is clear about their responsibilities.
Surround yourself
If you can afford to host an au pair, consider doing so. You don’t have to do everything yourself! It’s OK if you need help. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help when it’s available and needed, whether it’s from friends or family (or hiring a professional). Remember: if you’re working on something that someone else can do better than you, let them!
It will certainly take time for them to feel comfortable giving ideas and suggestions for more difficult tasks; but once they have, delegate wisely and give positive feedback when good things happen as a result of what has been delegated.
Identify your needs
Effective delegation requires comprehensive explanations and clear instructions. If you need the teams around you, your needs have been expressed in the job description. For a childminder, the tasks you entrust to your assistant are listed in the contract, for example picking up the children from school, taking them to their after-school activities, putting them in pyjamas, playing with them. It’s important to spell them out and make sure that the person you’re delegating them to understands them.
Plan ahead
To set up a delegation, you have to want it and put it in place. To do this, you need to plan the recruitment phase, the availability period and the induction phase. During this induction period, clearly express your expectations and the work framework. If you’re delegating, you’re looking for someone who’s autonomous, so tell them so that they can be daring.
Delegate with confidence and kindness
Delegation is a question of trust: you trust that your au pair has the necessary skills to do the job, and you trust that he or she will use those skills effectively. It’s not so much a question of delegating as passing on responsibility to someone else, which requires a certain amount of confidence in their abilities.
To delegate effectively, you need to trust your au pair to do a good job. This may seem obvious, but many parents find it difficult to let go of tasks they feel are too important or too difficult for their au pairs.
Dialogue for guidance
If you want to develop your child’s independence, it’s essential to give the au pair real responsibilities and let them take ownership of their roles as leaders.
One way of setting an example is to explain to the children that in your absence it is the au pair who is their reference and whom they must obey. This will show your trust in the au pair and support her in taking on the responsibility of your delegation.
In the same way, being friendly when you offer constructive criticism rather than being defensive will help you to implement the delegation. If there’s something specific I’d like the au pair to do differently next time, I try not to say something like ‘you mustn’t make the children eat chips’, but I’ll offer another suggestion ‘I’d like the children to eat vegetables and fruit at least once a day and avoid chips’. This type of language shows respect while clearly indicating what needs to be improved without attacking directly. Being open-minded enough to accept new ideas from others (including our own children) doesn’t always come naturally, but it’s a guarantee of long-term success. Sometimes it can be upsetting or disappointing to realise that things don’t always go to plan, but it’s important not to forget all those good times when everything went exactly to plan.
Give feedback
It’s important to say when things are going well and to be grateful for things done well. It’s human nature to focus on the negative, but recognising the positive and the good things has a virtuous effect. The au pair (or your team member) will feel encouraged to try again and will want to do more.
Humans retain negative feedback 10 times better than positive feedback, so don’t be afraid to overdo it.
Things to remember: Give your au pair the freedom to make mistakes, and she’ll reward you with time, flexibility and creativity.
