1 - Talking to the child
You have to explain to the child that what he’s doing is not normal and that he’s being disrespectful. The way you talk to him is essential: he’ll listen much better if you take the time to explain calmly and without reproach. To help him retain your message, be careful not to compare or reproach, but to support him. You can tell him that his behavior should be non-violent and more respectful, to help him feel better with others.
2 - Talking about it with your host family
Don’t stay put and don’t feel responsible for the lack of respect. If you’re an au pair, talk to your mom and dad to explain the situation. It’s important to talk about it with the parents to explain the difficulties you’ll have as an au pair in gaining respect and creating a relationship of trust and complicity.
As parents, you need to talk to the family and discuss the situation, so that the child doesn’t feel excluded or condemned. The solution must be decided together, and the child can understand that his or her behavior concerns the whole family. If you have siblings, you need to be delicate enough not to compare the child’s behavior to that of his or her brothers and sisters, but to explain to everyone that this can happen, and that we need to help each other to improve the situation together.
3 - Understanding the origin
There can be many reasons for violent behavior, but the main causes can often be explained by 3 factors:
- the child has a basic need that is not being met
- the child lacks information
- the child is troubled by a strong emotion
The arrival of the au pair in the family is a new element, and can sometimes disrupt the child’s bearings if the arrival has not been sufficiently prepared or if the child does not accept it. This can sometimes be linked to changes in the child’s school environment (change of class, difficult friendships), which can upset the child. In any case, by making sure of these 3 points, you will certainly have cleared up most of the explanations.
4 - Ask for help
As in all situations, you need to look at the solution, not the problem. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with people and seek advice. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Get in touch with early childhood specialists (pediatrician, doctor, psychologist, coach, mediator, speech therapist) and don’t isolate yourself.
5 - Give him a hug
A child’s difficult behavior is often a way of expressing unhappiness. They need to be noticed, heard and given attention. One of the best remedies is to cuddle the child. This has the beneficial effect of reassuring and soothing them, and showing them that they are loved.
